Awkward Dichotomy

I can't help but think about all the possibilities in life...all the choices and people and places...even when life is comfortable and clean. I play back major and not-so-major events in my life...my regrets and shames especially...I can't help but dwell on these 'what ifs'...sometimes they all but consume the very core of me...each event playing rapidly on my mind in a never-ending, but sometimes lethargic, cycle...up-thoughts and then down...it's very hard to tread these cumbersome waves...it's such an awkward dichotomy.

I know I don't want to get stuck inside myself...I've learned from past occurrences that it's too destructive to me and to the people I care about. That's why I think it's wonderful I should find an author at these drowning points in life...it's not the first time I have found solace in the sympathetic writings of another being going through the same shit...it makes me feel like I don't have to be struggling all the time...it makes me feel like it's ok to fight the currents, or to just float or even to just tread along with it for a while without losing sight of the fact that 'now' will not turn into 'forever'.

So anyway, I am reading Tao Te Ching, (The Book of Changes) by Lao Tzu, and would happen upon this...the first chapter...I know it's lame but if it helps me to move on then I shall hold tightly!

Always without desire we must be found,
If its deep mystery we would sound;
But if desire always within us be,
Its outer fringe is all that we shall see.

And the wave breaks only to build anew...but in the meantime I will rest freely on this 'in-between'.